i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
