First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
