She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
