im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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