somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
