just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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