Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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