i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
