i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
