Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
