you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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