i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
