On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
