when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
