So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
