is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think your dad took our porno
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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