guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
