I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
