We got so high we made milksteak
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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