Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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