just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
