I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
