oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
