You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
