Buhtt sex?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
