I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
