Betty ford says i'm here all night
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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