either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
