So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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