i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
