Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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