I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
