yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
