i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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