my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
