so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
