if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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