Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I checked into jail on foursquare
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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