I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I pour the whiskey from now on
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
