I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
