but the lizard people decide everything anyway
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
