I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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