I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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