If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
