What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
