I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
lets start a swedish sibling band together
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
