his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
