i need an iv and a liver transplant
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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