My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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