I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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