My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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