god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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