This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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