there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
