I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
