please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
