Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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