I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
