carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
