On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
ugly people sure do ruin things
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
