respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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