Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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