Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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