Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
