You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
