brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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