Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize