I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
