i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
