ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
