I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
