i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
