Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
