There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
