I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
