I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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