"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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