I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
