No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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