So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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