I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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