Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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