I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
