Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
