bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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