he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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